How Do You Explain: Emotional Baggage

We all have baggage.

We all know this.

You will never meet someone who doesn't have something from their past that is still having an impact on them in this moment.

But how do you explain it to someone new?

How do you explain your emotional baggage to friends who haven't lived through it with you?

How do you explain your fears and emotional quirks to a new relationship?

and how do you do all of this without looking like you are "searching for attention" or scaring those people out of your life?

This has been something that has been on my mind often this past month. I have been spending so much time trying to come to peace with all these aspects of me. (because that is what they are- they are parts of what makes me Cassi and as much as I want them to go away, they won't.) As I gain an understanding of how these things impact my life, I can't help but wonder " how am I supposed to explain these things to new people?"

As much as I don't want to admit it out loud- I'm in recovery- I will always be in recovery. I have very high anxiety. I have BDD. And as of January, I have been working on getting back to eating again. Some of these things can change and some are never going to change.  Anxiety and BDD are always going to be a constant in my life.

So how does someone translate this to people who are becoming a large part of their life? How does someone explain this big of a personality quirk to people and expect them to want to stick around?

In the years of dealing with myself- all my friends have LIVED through the craziness with me. They know how to talk me down from my "freak outs." They know the warning signs that I am spiraling. They know what I need when I need it. (this is expected after 10 plus years of friendship).

When I moved here- I didn't think I would ever have to explain these things to anyone again. I believed I had it all under control. After this past relationship- I learned that this was wrong.

So when things have hit the fan I have gone to those closest to me

Sometimes this has gone really well- When I told M, S, MM, N, and H about what was going on during the months of July until... well... now. They never made me feel bad about things. They listen every time I have a breakdown. The offer the best advice they can give in a situation like this. And I cannot imagine how I would have made it through everything without them.

Sadly friends like this are hard to find. And what I have seen is that things tend to go more like this:

With MK, I learned that my low self-esteem was an issue because it made me clingy. It made me worried all the time and he couldn't deal with listening to me "talk like an idiot" the time.

With T, I learned that my introvert sadness (as I call it), was "way too much to handle." He told me I was too difficult and it was happening too frequently. He stated that these moments were a lot of the reason he pulled away from me - so he didn't have to deal with me when I was in a mood. ( this could have been a line to make him feel better about cheating- but either way, it has stuck into my fear section)

With J 2.0, I learned that not all friends can or want to help you when you are in need. I learned that instead of telling you that they aren't able to help- they continue to listen and turn your pain into a personal attack on them. I learned that some people will hold your pain over your head and threaten to expose you for their personal gain.

You never know which way things will go. This ties into the whole thing of how you really can't control how things will go. When it comes to wanting to have lasting friendships and lasting relationships honesty is always best- but with honesty like this, it can lead to those people not wanting anything to do with you anymore. That fear keeps me from wanting to be open and honest with those around me.

Which is better? Is it better to be upfront and honest about the baggage in your past? Or is it something to keep a secret until it needs to be told? There is no way to know how someone would react in these situations, but is it better to know if they THINK they could handle it before trying to start a relationship/friendship with someone?

any advice is welcome: even after writing through all of this, I don't feel any close to a solution.