Happiness One Month at a Time....

A little December Backstory:

Going back to Boston in December became my rest button. I knew I couldn’t keep doing the things I was doing. I knew I couldn’t keep hiding behind the idea that if I just leave the house now and smile pretty everyone will think I’m doing better and that I’m not slowly breaking down inside. I knew if I didn’t figure out a way to change things I wasn’t going to actually make it to 2017. While home I hung out with EVERYONE who knows “me”. The actual me. Not the broken shell of a girl who came back to visit. Not the girl who was falling apart become another guy walked out of her life with a piece of her heart and a chip of her self esteem. Being surrounded by people who have seen the worst in you and still know who you really are is a great way to remember that eventually you will be OK and you have gone through this ringer before and came up on top.

Coming back to Bama was hard- because it was like everything stood still. T was still talking to me, still making me feel like he wanted to fix everything. J was still furious at me for something that was only partially my fault. And P.. well that isn’t even worth writing about at this time. I started to spiral again thinking that maybe being home filled me with false hopes that I could actually be okay. That I could find myself again… I started to wonder if I had the right idea originally and that I shouldn’t allow myself to make it to 2017… It wasn’t until I drunkenly showed up at T’s front door at 1:30am that I realized that this was not the person I was. This was not the girl I worked so hard to be prior to meeting him. And it was that night I hit my personal rock bottom. I would NOT go into 2017 being this person- this sad girl who can only base her worth on the men who surround her. Every time I have done that it has lead to me wanting to end my life- not because I hate living.. But because I hated how I was living.

Which brings me to the point of all this:

Many moons ago when M and I broke up, a friend suggested that I read “The Happiness Project” by Gretchen Rubin. I thought she was crazy, mostly because I always just assumed self help books were for people who really didn’t have their shit together. But I found it on sale at Barnes and Noble so I bought it. It ended up being one of the best choices I made that year. She splits everything into each month and gives herself small and reasonable goals to accomplish over those 30 days, that could also be carried over easily to the months following. They are made to help both physically and mentally becoming more happy and grateful. The year I read the book was the same year that I moved to Huntsville. I like to think it was part of what gave me the courage to make that giant leap. (Added Disclaimer: I have no intention on making any moves or leaving Huntsville- But I do know I need some kind of “change”)  

But ever since December of 2013, the book has sat on the shelf at my dad's house not being touched.. Not because it wasn’t helpful but because it had done its job.

When I went back in October for Susie’s wedding, I grabbed the book off the shelf and brought it back to Bama with me. At that time we hadn’t officially broken up- but I knew it was coming, and I knew I was going to be out of my mind when it did happen.  ( at that time I had no idea how out of my mind I would be) --Flash forward to the break up, it came- it happened and I was a wreck. But I also knew at that time I wasn’t ready for any type of mental or physical change. With everything that happened at the end of December and us coming across to 2017… I feel like it is finally time to pull out the book again and get started.

 Last time I believe I stuck to doing mostly what was written to try, this time I am going to try and cater it a little more to the things I would like to see myself doing because they make me happy, even if they also make me scared to do.  At the start of each month I will  post about the theme of the month along with my goals. I will also reflect back on the month prior. ( I promise they won't ALL be as long  drawn out as this one… but I had to give some back story for y’all)

Get to Sleep Earlier:

3 days into 2017 and I have already had a hard time with this one. With working so early I already know I need to be getting to bed much earlier than I do.  With work aside it is also better for your mental and physical health to try and get to sleep earlier. So going forward my hope is to be in bed by 9:30pm.. 10pm at  the latest. As the months go on I would like to try for 9pm .. But I don’t want to start discouraging myself right off the bat.

Exercise Better:

On my other blog I plan to talk more about my 30 day fitness challenge, so I hope that motivation will also keep me motivated to keep this goal. Making myself exercise is not the issue- but making sure I’m not doing workouts that make me miserable just to burn calories. THAT will be the real goal- Finding workouts that make me happy and feel like a Magical Unicorn Badass.

Declutter:

I am a pack rat and I wont even lie about it. I’m sentimental about almost everything and I hate throwing away/selling clothes. But I know I need to or my apartment will end up being featured on Horders.  The plan- set aside 2 days at the start of each month to organize or reorganize everything.

20 minutes of shut off:

True Life- I’m addicted to Social Media.  The mission… take 20 minutes each day to turn off all social media and just do SOMETHING that does not involve the Internet.

I’m excited but nervous about this - But I know how much it has helped in the past and I am looking forward to seeing what it does this time around.

-Cass