6 Months Down- 6 to Go!

I am not even going to lie about things… May was a hard month. It was a month that normally I would have written a lot of posts just to get things out of my head. But my anxiety was SO bad that I couldn’t even focus enough to type. I saw myself cycle back to old behaviors very fast.. And luckily a friend snapped my ass back to reality.

Goes to show that recovery and self-acceptance will never be a linear process- no matter how much I wish they could be.

With that said- May is in the past now, but it did give me a lot to bring into the second half of the year of yassss.. ( Yeah I’m also still trying to figure out HOW we got all the way to the half way mark already.) But before we get to that, let’s see how things went in May.

Continue to ditch the scale, as well as measuring tape and progress pictures.

• I almost fully succeed in this. I caved in after the beach and took my measurements and my weight. In the moment, it crushed me. Seeing the numbers and knowing they were nothing like I wanted them to be- I completely lost all of my mental hard work and progress for a little bit. I sunk back into old habits so fast, that I am still trying to bring myself back up to par.  What this did show me is just HOW much these numbers can control my life. And the amount they can impact my mood. I always knew it was bad, but never realized how bad it was. Even after a few days when I actually realized the numbers weren't that different- I still couldn’t stop the feeling that I was a failure for not being 110 yet. Because of this, I am going to continue the goal of "ditch the scale/measurements". 

Do only workouts that are fun to me and not because I feel like I have to burn as many calories as possible.

• This went surprisingly well. Not only did I only do the workouts that made me feel happy, but I also SKIPPED workouts with one feeling guilty ( for the most part- this was not an every skipped workout feeling. There were still some days I beat myself up over it)

Write one thing per day that I like about myself.

• Not going to lie to you- I didn’t even attempt this one. It was too hard. 

Go one outside the house at least one day a week makeup-less

• SURPRISE! I actually did this! And not only did I just do it at work, I even went to trivia without a stitch of makeup on, not  concealer. My daily makeup has even gotten less than it used to be. There have been multiple days I have left with just concealer on… and I haven’t worn actual black eyeliner for most of May… Sometimes I really do surprise myself.  

Cook and eat at least one food on the “restricted list” without any guilt attached to it.

• I did this more than usual. Bagels and other carbs being something I allowed myself to enjoy WAY more than I ever had. But the biggest challenge I overcame was allowing myself to eat “garbage” egg rolls at the beach. They were so amazing, but it took so much of a pep talk to get myself to a point where I could indulge without punishment. 

Write down every negative thought during the day- At the end of the day, look back to see what is the real root of the thoughts.

• Did not succeed in this at all. Oops. 

Feeling a lot more positive about things since finally having a heart to heart with all my friends. I’m hoping to be able to bring that same feeling into June…

• More new experiences- go to see a band you’ve never heard of, watch shows recommended to you, go to more different events, try out a hobby you think you will be bad at. Sometimes we get too comfortable in the routine of life.  
• Read three new books: every year I do the Goodreads book challenge and every year June comes and I am so far behind… this year is no different.
• Finish an entire month of self-reflecting journaling

6 months down and 6 to go- A lot can happen in the next 6 months :)

XoXo

-C